It's nearly two weeks now that I can't manage the simple tasks - writing letters, reading documents, staying on top of my shopping needs, 'coordinating' cleaning...  even watching TV or reading some really good books is tiring so much, I can't do it for longer than half an hour in one go.  It just somewhat changes from whatever I'm doing into a growing monster, which is towering above me, ready to crush me flat - my breathing is getting more difficult, and each task is demanding more and more energy and effort to carry out...  I feel nearly too tired to live any more.

Fourth day in a row of fever, nausea, difficulty with eating anything (feel sick after), balance problems, over-average muscles pains, and this most strange of all feeling that when I move my head, my eyes don't seem to follow immediately... I don't know what it is, and to be honest I don't even care any more - just whatever it is, would it ever please stop...

I'm following the test-case for assisted suicide in Ireland.  The retired lecturer suffering for 20+ years with MS... If she wins (and as rare as I pray, I do pray for that mercy for her), I know a certain retired lecturer suffering with what I describe is the exact opposite of MS, who hopes to be able to use the same route when the time is right... fancy that, ha?  But it's next to impossible to understand what does it mean to have constant pain, day and night, when even sleep gives no relief, because the pain wakes you up and makes it too difficult to move and change position into - what you hope - would ease it, but you are far too sore, paralysed with pain, to move...  No, unless you get to that level of pain, please do not tell me - do not tell anybody - that assisted suicide is immoral, wrong, or whatever other rubbish you think you have the right to proclaim.  You don't have any right.  Not until you experience it.  And then pray to whatever deity you pray, that you would never ever experience it yourself.

Complete nightmare: my shoulder is jumping in and out of the joint, the hip bone is cracked (or makes a damn good impression of it, hurting like bloody hell for the last 10 days-two weeks) and the most recent is my lower back, which is so sore, I couldn't get up this morning, I don't plan to get up tomorrow, and furthermore it's long time since I last cried because of the pain...  Despite all the tablets...  Ouch.......