It’s May and i was trying to sit down and catch up with my notes for a long time, but “things were happening” and writing was sadly not an easy idea to deal with...

 I had three surgeries within the first three months; a severe kidney infection (so bad i had to have a double-doze of two extra-strong antibiotics for two weeks) between the second and the third surgery.  Just as i was recovering from the third surgery, i had a second kidney infection, another big one.  Towards the end of it, i got vomiting bug/stomach ‘flu – so bad, i had to call for ambulance in the middle for the night.  Was so dehydrated and weak, i wasn’t able to make the five steps to my en-suit bathroom any more, and stayed on the drip in hospital.  A week passed – i was still very weak and recovering – when i started having kidney pains again, sometimes so bad i can’t take a breath for a moment or two.

But the worst is that i have memory problems.  It started funnily enough – i was “inserting” words from a language different than the rest of the sentence, and it could be any of some fourteen languages i’ve ever spoken throughout my life.  I started forgetting words.  Then things like making a cup of tea and forgetting to drink it.  Forgetting to do things i set out to do.  Most recently, a colleague i know well came to the door, and when i opened i knew i know him, but couldn’t remember who he was, and why is he at my door – while we agreed only two days prior that he would come that day and time.  Today, it turned out i didn’t tell my closest friend about a very important meeting i had last week – while all the time i was a bit upset she never mentioned it, especially as it dealt with some very important issues for me...  not to mention nearly broke the fridge trying to open it – from the wring side...

Today, i spoke at length with my doctor about it, and while obviously there are some tests to be done, and she referred me back to the neurologist, she (being as blunt as i always ask and want her to be) pointed out four possible options.  1. Cumulative side-effect of all the medication i’m on for the last four/five years (possible: around 30 tablets a day).  2. Some problems with blood pressure in the brain (possible: suffered blinding migraines until the age of some 25, and now have head-aches again for the first time since).  3. Brain tumour (possible: had one before, when i was 30, i was freed of it thanks to radiation but, as they say, “once a cancer, always a cancer”).  4. Early stage of Alzheimer’s disease.  Possible.  Full stop.  I’m to keep record of “the incidents”, and try to be patient, because God knows how long am i to wait to see the consultant...

Finally: awaiting another surgery in three weeks, a proper dealing with carpal tunnel on my right wrist.  Had six injections so far, but the last two were practically pointless, gave me no pain relief whatsoever.  This time it’s supposed to be opening the wrist and a quarter of a hand and – depending on what seems possible when it’s clearly visible – maybe removing part of a muscle so it won’t squash the nerve, maybe killing the nerve, maybe “twisting and turning” bits and pieces around...  To be honest i don’t know yet, but i’m delighted it’s going to happen because the pain in this wrist is more than often unbearable...  although, considering i have to use either crotches or wheeled Zimmer frame to walk, and that means supporting my weight by holding the handle in the hand – well, my right wrist will be out of action for a while, so i won’t be able to walk.  Absurd as it sounds.  But i will try to write about it next time.