I dreamt I died and told you
I may not have been
the best of partners
but I really loved you

my body walked away
until I met the death herself
on a roundabout
she told me to take time
before I decide where to go
I still have ten days she said
to decide if I want to be buried
                                  and where

I had a bath in the preparation room
two Jewish attendants in clean shirts
black waistcoats and metal-rimmed glasses
patiently didn't answer questions
afterwards
                  we were free to go

I knew I died
I wasn't angry maybe sad
but some tried to call
their loved ones
some were furious
cursing the bath attendants
who kept washing patiently

and then the room became suddenly
crowded with kids young teenagers
a plane went down nearby
one of them sat on the edge of the bath
it was nearly his turn when he asked
if I think he could stand up
because his legs are crushed and trapped
I told him he would walk fine now
they didn't know they died

I went back to the house
to watch TV reports of the crash
my mother met me at the door
and half indifferently half disgusted
with my brash audacity to go there
turned me away from the family grave
but it was the telly I went to see not her

so I went back to the preparation room
to keep the others company
they needed me more than those
I shared blood line with

I woke up happier
with just my dog for company
then I've ever been with them


copyright Nikki Darman, 12.01.2013